Date: January 18, FUTURE
Dear XYZ Clone Administrator:
RE: Questions about Cloning in response to your advertising.
It has come to my attention that there is not enough of me, and your advertising promises to solve this problem. My questions are as follows:
My right hand does not know what my left hand is doing NOW....so how will I keep my clones in sync? Is there a separate app for this? Or will that be an add-on later?
In addition, can you guarantee that one of the clones or myself, possibly synced or unsynced, will not introduce more work for me and my clones?
I envision multiplied problems to which I assume you have original answers.
Can you insure the clones to be efficient problem solvers?
How much do clones eat and are they picky about their food?
Thank you kindly,
Just Another Pig Story...if you are not laughing by the 5th paragraph...read it out loud. It was written to READ ALOUD.
It is a silly little story. Enjoy.
Slyke knew about pigs. You name it and Jon Slyke knew it. He was an expert, about swine. When your father is a hog farmer, like Jon's, then you live or die by the swine.
"Ol' Nellie will probably have that litter tonight, son. There's a storm abrewin' anya know how that affects 'em."
"Yeah, dad." Jon replied with a tired sigh. "I'll spend the night with her." Under his breath Jon Slyke cursed the barometer. Whenever the air pressure dropped quickly, and a storm moved in, his dad became concerned about any 'expecting' sows. Many times his concern was unnecessary and the sow was still 'expecting' after the storm passed. But Jon Slyke was silent. He knew what his father would say if he complained.
"But odds don't matter none, son." He would say to Jon. "It's the unplanned happenin's that hurt and haunt ya. I can't afford for anything to happen to Ol' Nellie's litter. She barely pays for her corn now. An' you remember, son, the time Ginny Mae......" And then the tragic story of the prized sow and her expected litter would follow. Jon wished his ears would leap off his head and fall to the ground.
Ginny Mae was named after the Government National Mortgage Association, aka Ginnie Mae. Jon's older brother, Jack, had named her when she was entered in the Fair. Jack was a semi-successful real estate agent. He neither starved nor made a good living. But everyone had to admit Jack was clever with pig names.
Jack reasoned that Ginny Mae and her lineage of fine swine would carry his dad's farm through hard times. Her genetically superior piglet contributions would maintain their value, better than ordinary hogs, through good times as well as bad. According to Jack, Ginny Mae would produce a piglet portfolio of peerless proportion. Jack felt Ginny Mae would be the top show pig attraction at the Fair.
And she was. She was an attraction everywhere.
Ginny Mae had six white stripes and one black stripe across her light brown back. Jon thought the zebra-striped pig was merely a freak. But Jack was right. People flocked to see the unusual swine. Ginnie Mae even made the cover of Hog Today and Sow Now magazines. Jack was ecstatic! Jon thought she looked like pork.
Jon merely concluded people like to look at freak pigs. But as far as valuable, Jon had to deny Ginny Mae. Being obsessively practical, Jon felt pigs were for eating and providing offspring to be eaten....not for photographs. Not for prancing around like prissy princesses.
Since Ginny Mae was the only known pig to have zebra-stripes, Jack claimed her offspring would fetch a high price. As she was pampered into adulthood, the Slykes' search for a suitable swine mate took on an earnest tone. None were found for the pig princess.
The problem solved itself, however. Actually Ginny Mae took sole charge of the serious suiter situation.
Ginny Mae was housed above the other swine. Alone in her plush pig penthouse she evolved a peculiar plan. When the time came for her to mate, she began the search herself. She escaped one day, exiting the pig penthouse by way of the pork platform. None of the other pigs purported to rat her out. They were just glad to see her plump posterior waddling away over the hill.
For a week there was no sign found of the famous show pig. The Slyke family was heartbroken. Apparently, someone had stolen the striped hog. Never would one conceive she would abandon such a posh pig palace for the bare open road. But a week after her disappearance Ginny Mae wandered back home. The Slyke family was overjoyed.
To this day nobody knows exactly where Ginny Mae spent the anxious seven day jaunt, except that she returned pregnant. Of course, it was a while before anyone knew of her condition. Everyone was so happy just to have her back in the fold, that nobody noticed her sly satisfied smile.
The Slyke family celebrated Ginny Mae's return with fireworks and banquetting. Mr. Slyke called the authorities to put an end to the pignapping investigation. The insurance claim was dropped when a vet check showed no obvious defects in the swine. The newspaper sent a reporter and photographer to the Slyke farm and for the eighth day in a row Ginny Mae made the front page. The headline read, " Slyke Swine Fine."
Which, of course, was happier than the headlines telling of her disappearance, "Slyke's Stripped of Striped Swine." "Show Pig on the Lamb or Bacon in the Sun?" "No Sign of Swiped Swine."
The tragedy of Ginny Mae was yet to come, however. After a time Mr. Slyke suspected and it was confirmed by the vet, Dr. Vincent, Ginny Mae was with piglet. She was removed from the show circuit, to reduce her stress. But Ginny Mae's popularity did not wane. Suspense mounted as everyone wondered what color the litter would be.
The Dis-Assemblage and Re-Assemblage of Goldilocks & The Three Bears(The same tragic story we have heard many times before)(NOT!!!!)
In all seriousness, I watch as the new media (in general) twists pieces of truth into amazing tales.
Realizing that we all are capable of slanting facts somewhat to fit our truth, I think they take it to an Olympic Level.
This is my news spoof......I have carefully ADDED nothing, but merely disassembled and re-assembled the words from the story (printed below the spoof) and phrased it creatively. It is not a story for kids. It is kind of disturbing actually. But hopefully makes a point.....
Once upon a time Papa Bear growled and a little girl screamed, “Help!”
Goldilocks jumped out of the smallest bed, which was still larger than her own. The very large Papa Bear stood above her tiny little observably helpless fearful body in the upstairs bedroom. Papa Bear was growling. Mama Bear and Baby Bear stood there now also. Baby Bear had been crying earlier, but now he only exclaimed, “…and she is still there!” The whole family of Bears just stood in silence in that moment.
The tiny girl ran into the forest alone. She never returned to that house ever again.
From the evidence we can gather, we know something occurred in that home that day.
Baby Bear cried about the broken pieces of his destroyed chair. Mama Bear could tell that someone had been at their house. By the evidence they left, Mama Bear knew they had been eating porridge, sitting in the chairs, and lying in bed….possibly sleeping there…..but who knows what else? She had known Papa Bear for a long enough time to conceive a Baby Bear…. but how well did she really know him?
Bottom line, Mama Bear really did not really know what all had transpired within her house and more recently within her own bedroom in her short absence.
If Baby Bear had not found the child, would any of this ever have been exposed to the public? So much mystery surrounds this story and its characters, especially unexposed is the role of Papa Bear.
What did Papa Bear know? What had he done? Examining the evidence raises several questions about his character. Perhaps there are more questions than answers in the story being told here. There seems to be more to this story than anyone HAS EVER known. Apparently there is more than anyone MAY EVER be able to glean from the evidence, except those immediately involved in the mysterious circumstances. We are sure they know more than they are telling.
It seems there are AT LEAST two versions of a story at work here.
Mama Bear and Baby Bear had witnessed the large figure of Papa Bear growling loudly as the frightened and obviously traumatized little blonde girl jumped up from the bed and exited the house at a run. Mama Bear did not know the girl had whined earlier, but Goldilocks had whined. With no one to hear her, she had whined as she was trying to sit in Papa Bear’s chair. But she had sighed too, immediately before the Baby Bear’s chair was broken to pieces!
Mama Bear did not know the girl was only hungry and fatigued when she first came to the house of the Bears. Mama Bear did not know how the little girl was lured into the residence, although she could assume it was by the smell of porridge and a safe place to rest for a while. Of course, we know all kids like food, but what else was in the porridge that made her so sleepy afterwards? We can only wonder what was added. Who would have added that foreign substance? We can only try to imagine.
With certainty we do know, she ate it all. So therefore we are conveniently left with no evidence to sample.
We know things we cannot prove.
Goldilocks, in her innocence, had no idea what would take place inside the seemingly safe house that smelled so appetizingly inviting. It could be said she would never be the same little girl again. It could be said that she would never be able to fully forget the trauma or maybe traumas of that day. And how do we know it was only that day? Maybe she had been there “visiting” many times. Maybe only today, and maybe many times before, the porridge made her uncontrollably sleepy.
Again, we know something happened in that house that day. We know innumerable facts we cannot prove at this time.
Yet we can prove, it was only on that one certain day that Baby Bear found her. Only the few individuals involved know and they are not talking now, and from all indications will never talk about it again.
Why are they so silent? We would hope they would offer some plausible explanation for the events of that day. No explanation seems to be forthcoming at this time.
It was evident by the small and empty bowl of porridge that the small blonde female child did find food. And it was evident by the small broken chair that something else more violent had occurred in the residence. So many questions, so few answers. How does all this evidence fit together? If only someone would speak up and clear the air about these occurrances.
Of course, it could be said that we know what happened, we just are not able to prove it.
Papa Bear and Mama Bear did not speak to us of the incident. Baby Bear has not offered to comment. Goldilocks understandably has not been found as of the printing of this article.
As is the case many times when great mysteries continue and remain unresolved for the victims of the circumstances… many years have now past, and nothing else has ever been said. It seems once again the guilty will not be brought to justice.
And never again did the little girl return to the home of the Bears.
THE ORIGINAL STORY…..but is it the REAL STORY!!!!
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in.
At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl.
"This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed.
So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.
"This porridge is too cold," she said
So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.
"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up.
After she'd eaten the three bears' breakfasts she decided she was feeling a little tired. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet.
"This chair is too big!" she exclaimed.
So she sat in the second chair.
"This chair is too big, too!" she whined.
So she tried the last and smallest chair.
"Ahhh, this chair is just right," she sighed. But just as she settled down into the chair to rest, it broke into pieces!
Goldilocks was very tired by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom. She lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right. Goldilocks fell asleep.
As she was sleeping, the three bears came home.
"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled the Papa bear.
"Someone's been eating my porridge," said the Mama bear.
"Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!" cried the Baby bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled the Papa bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said the Mama bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces," cried the Baby bear.
They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa bear growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed,"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said the Mama bear
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby bear.
Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three bears. She screamed, "Help!" And she jumped up and ran out of the room. Goldilocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And she never returned to the home of the three bears.
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